Jokes for our foreign guests

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YogiGSX
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Re: Jokes for our foreign guests

#136 Beitrag von YogiGSX » Do Nov 28, 2013 11:56

nu u'd like it :kommdoch: :wink:
Allzeit gute Fahrt!
Yogi ... smarter than the average bear!

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YogiGSX
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Re: Jokes for our foreign guests

#137 Beitrag von YogiGSX » Fr Nov 29, 2013 18:09

David Beckham gets into a taxi and he sees the driver looking at him in the rear view mirror.

After about 5 minutes the driver says, "OK give me a clue?"
Beckham says, "I had a glittering career at Manchester United, played in America and got over a 100 caps for England, is that enough?"

Driver replies, "No you thick twat, where do you want to go?"
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Yogi ... smarter than the average bear!

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closey
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Re: Jokes for our foreign guests

#138 Beitrag von closey » Sa Nov 30, 2013 20:15

:lol: :lol: :lol:

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Re: Jokes for our foreign guests

#139 Beitrag von Speedy » Mo Dez 02, 2013 06:25

What means "twat" ? :pfeif:
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Nichts ist so beständig wie die Veränderung.

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YogiGSX
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Re: Jokes for our foreign guests

#140 Beitrag von YogiGSX » Mo Dez 02, 2013 09:17

laut Leo ... ;-)

twat [sl.][pej.][vulg.] ................................ die Fotze [sl.][pej.][vulg.]
twat (Brit.) [sl.] [pej.] (term of abuse) ........ das Arschloch - Depp [sl.] [pej.][vulg.]
twat (Brit.) [sl.] [pej.] (term of abuse) ........ der Depp [ugs.] [pej.]

:D
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Yogi ... smarter than the average bear!

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YogiGSX
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Re: Jokes for our foreign guests

#141 Beitrag von YogiGSX » Fr Dez 27, 2013 16:50

How the winter will be ...

Late fall and the Indians on a remote reservation in North Dakota asked their new chief if the coming winter was going to be cold or mild.
Since he was a chief in a modern society, he had never been taught the old secrets. When he looked at the sky, he couldn't tell what the winter was going to be like.
Nevertheless, to be on the safe side, he told his tribe that the winter was indeed going to be cold and that the members of the village should collect firewood to be prepared.
But, being a practical leader, after several days, he got an idea. He went to the phone booth, called the National Weather Service and asked, 'Is the coming winter going to be cold?'
'It looks like this winter is going to be quite cold,' the meteorologist at the weather service responded.
So the chief went back to his people and told them to collect even more firewood in order to be prepared.
A week later, he called the National Weather Service again. 'Does it still look like it is going to be a very cold winter?'
'Yes,' the man at National Weather Service again replied, 'it's going to be a very cold winter.'
The chief again went back to his people and ordered them to collect every scrap of firewood they could find.
Two weeks later, the chief called the National Weather Service again. 'Are you absolutely sure that the winter is going to be very cold?'
'Absolutely,' the man replied. 'It's looking more and more like it is going to be one of the coldest winters we've ever seen.'
'How can you be so sure?' the chief asked.

The weatherman replied, 'The Indians are collecting a shitload of firewood'
Allzeit gute Fahrt!
Yogi ... smarter than the average bear!

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closey
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Re: Jokes for our foreign guests

#142 Beitrag von closey » Fr Dez 27, 2013 18:13

Not bad. :wink:

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YogiGSX
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Re: Jokes for our foreign guests

#143 Beitrag von YogiGSX » Fr Dez 27, 2013 18:21

so stop laughing and go out'n collect your wood!

;-)
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Yogi ... smarter than the average bear!

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Rolf
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Re: Jokes for our foreign guests

#144 Beitrag von Rolf » Fr Dez 27, 2013 22:32

YogiGSX hat geschrieben:so stop laughing and go out'n collect your wood!;-)
.... to collect a boat may be better this year!? :pfeif:

Cheers - Rolf
Bild

Fürth zählt in Franken nicht, steht sogar bei Wikipedia:
Fürth in Bayern
*flöt*

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YogiGSX
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Re: Jokes for our foreign guests

#145 Beitrag von YogiGSX » Mi Jan 15, 2014 12:20

Four guys have been driving to the same G-rally for many years ...

Two days before the group is to leave, Jack's wife puts her foot down and tells him he isn't going.
Jack's mates are very upset that he can't go, but what can they do.

Two days later, the three get to the G-rally only to find Jack sitting at the bar with four drinks set up!

"Wow, Jack, how long you been here, and how did you talk your missus into letting you go?"

"Well, I've been here since last night ...

Yesterday evening, I was sitting in my living room chair and my wife came up behind me and put her hands over my eyes and asked, 'Guess who?' I pulled her hands off, and there she was, wearing a nightie.

She took my hand and pulled me into our bedroom. The room had candles and rose petals all over. Well she's been reading 50 Shades of Grey ...

On the bed she had handcuffs, and ropes! She told me to tie her up and cuff her to the bed, so I did.

And then she said, "Do whatever you want."

So, Here I am!
Allzeit gute Fahrt!
Yogi ... smarter than the average bear!

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Re: Jokes for our foreign guests

#146 Beitrag von Speedy » Mi Jan 15, 2014 12:54

:muhaha:
Spruch des Monats:
Nichts ist so beständig wie die Veränderung.

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closey
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Re: Jokes for our foreign guests

#147 Beitrag von closey » Mi Jan 15, 2014 22:33

A very understanding missus ! :gr:

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Henry
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Re: Jokes for our foreign guests

#148 Beitrag von Henry » Do Jan 16, 2014 07:04

:muhaha:
(Y)

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YogiGSX
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Re: Jokes for our foreign guests

#149 Beitrag von YogiGSX » Do Jan 23, 2014 08:59

A group of seniors were sitting around talking about all their ailments at Starbucks.

"My arms have got so weak I can hardly lift this cup of coffee," said one.

"Yes, I know," said another. "My cataracts are so bad; I can't even see my coffee."

"I couldn't even mark an "X" at election time because my hands are so crippled," volunteered a third.

"What? Speak up! What? I can't hear you, said one elderly lady!"

"I can't turn my head because of the arthritis in my neck," said one, to which several nodded weakly in agreement.

"My blood pressure pills make me so dizzy!" exclaimed another.

"I forget where I am, and where I'm going," said another.

"I guess that's the price we pay for getting old," winced an old man as he slowly shook his head.

The others nodded in agreement.


"Well, count your Blessings," said a woman cheerfully...."Thank God we can all still ride our Gs."
Allzeit gute Fahrt!
Yogi ... smarter than the average bear!

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YogiGSX
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Re: Jokes for our foreign guests

#150 Beitrag von YogiGSX » Mi Feb 19, 2014 09:07

What deep thinkers men are ...

I mowed the lawn today, and after doing so I sat down and had a cold beer. The day was really quite beautiful, and the drink facilitated some deep thinking.

My wife walked by and asked me what I was doing and I said 'nothing'. The reason I said that instead of saying 'just thinking' is because she would have said 'about what'. At that point I would have to explain that men are deep thinkers about various topics which would lead to other questions.

Finally I thought about an age old question: Is giving birth more painful than getting kicked in the nuts? Women always maintain that giving birth is way more painful than a guy getting kicked in the nuts.

Well, after another beer, and some heavy deductive thinking, I have come up with the answer to that question. Getting kicked in the nuts is more painful than having a baby; and here is the reason for my conclusion. A year or so after giving birth, a woman will often say, "It might be nice to have another child." On the other hand, you never hear a guy say, "You know, I think I would like another kick in the nuts." I rest my case.

Time for another beer.
Allzeit gute Fahrt!
Yogi ... smarter than the average bear!

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